Oh boy, this is gonna be a long one. I know I start all of these by saying that these songs are a way for me to remember events in my life or things that happened. Most of the time, these things are small or funny or just events that amount to nothing but this time ya boi had a rollercoaster of a month and these songs were made during one of the strangest times in my life. Also, I'm fine now. Whatever the hell happened during this time period is now over and I'm back to being myself. Well, here we go:

1. THE SELF: Have you ever felt like everything in your life changed overnight? How about the feeling that everything you've been ignoring had been piling up and finally it all hits you at once? How about those two things together? Well, that happened to me and the biggest problem I had through it all was that I no longer knew who I was. I'd forgotten who I was and how to take care of myself. I had to go through all of my emotions and let them all hit me at once so I could take a step back and see what all was really going on. This song was made while I was figuring out who I was. In terms of the of the actual song, the bass line is very similar to "Apple Bites" but it was on purpose since this song was supposed to be about self reflection and "Apple Bites" was the first song I ever published here.

2. THE BURIED: This is kind of a continuation of the idea from the previous song. The buried here does not refer to any kind of physical burial but instead of the person inside of me that has been sitting there dormant for a long time. One of the things that can happen when you're with someone for a long time is that you start to lose sight of the things that made you, you. You pick up your partner's habits and compromise for the sake of the unit. I think I slowly buried myself while in my relationship and now that I'm out of it I am slowly finding that person who I left behind so long ago.

3. THE MUSE: This song is about finding something or someone that reinvigorates your spirit.

4.THE SPIRAL: The spiral refers to the downward spiral that can happen to people who are depressed and do not have a healthy outlet for their emotions. I was one of those people and it led to me looking for people and places and things that would keep me from dealing with my problems. The song itself doesn't really sound sad or out of control or anything so I must have been in a good-ish mood when I came up with this one. Internally I was probably crying, haha!

5. THE CARELESS: This one is similar to the previous song, The Spiral. I think when someone is at a low point in their life they tend to stop caring about everything and it is a very dangerous mind space to be in. While it may be nice to be free-spirited and kind of just do whatever from time to time, being completely careless and not worrying about consequences is not a good place to be especially if you're dealing with severe depression. This song's tempo is a bit faster because I wanted it to sound like your mind was racing or something. I don't know, I'm bad at evoking emotions through audio.

6. THE WAILING: Probably my favorite song on this album but also the one that was hardest to make. One of the things that I finally had to confront was my dad's passing almost a year ago. I tried really hard to not grieve and to just put up a front that I was okay but it finally came and messed me up big time. There was a lot of driving around in the rain while listening to sad music. There was also a lot of crying and screaming and wailing to the point where I temporarily lost my voice a couple of times. There was also a few times where my vocals were so rough that I could taste blood. It was painful both physically and emotionally but it was something I needed to do in order to keep moving forward. The song ends with a simple melody that is supposed to signify me finally coming to terms with everything and just accepting life.

7. THE SILENCE: This song is about feeling so empty that nothing is able to come out of you. You are hollow, you are silent. In concept, it's kind of sad but as an actual song though, I dig it.

8. THE LOST: A lot of self reflection and feelings of loneliness on this album. "The Lost" is similar in concept to "The Buried." I think though for this song I wanted to create something that had a sound similar to what I remember making years ago. This happycatfactory music project is over a decade old at this point and the old songs definitely sound different than the new ones. I wanted to make a song that felt like I could have made all those years ago. The reason I wanted to try it is because of that "find who you used to be" thing I was going through at the time except instead of trying to do it in regards to my life I wanted to do it in terms of the happycatfactory project.

9. THE EYE: This refers to the eye of the storm idea, where everything is crazy and then there is a calm moment before everything gets crazy again. This is the midpoint in the album and also it was the midpoint of the month for me when I did have a moment of "slow down" before everything got wild again. Pretty straightforward concept.

10. THE FORMER: This song is about my relationship with Alyssa. We were together for 6 years before breaking up at the end of March. The song is pretty fun but also kind of melancholy and the end has an almost uncomfortable sound that fades out because that is how to best describe my relationship with her. I'm sure there is more to unpack here but I'll leave it at that.

11. THE LIAR: This song is about ME. Just like most of them, haha! I am a liar and I am very good at it. Most people don't know what's really going on in my head and that's fine by me. I don't think it's anyone's responsibility than my own to get my life figured out so I will continue to be "fine", even when I'm not. In terms of the song, I used a simple little tune for most of the song with little parts that change up because that's how I see myself. I present myself as a constant to everyone but once you get to know me you get to see a different side of me. The only problem with that is that most people only see one of my different side and unfortunately for me, I have a lot of different sides.

12. THE EMPTY: This song is how I felt during this time. Just keep going and going at full speed and if nothing can slow you down you can just avoid dealing with everything. There may be little things here and there trying to slow you down but you just have to ignore them and keep going. This is not a healthy way to live, especially if you don't make the time to take care of yourself. Unfortunately when you are in this state of mind you don't think you have to take care of yourself because you firmly believe that there is nothing there to take care of. Depression is lame.

13. THE REVERSAL: This song was made when I learned that my view of things was wrong. I thought everything was great and would only get better, but in reality it was about to take a turn for the worse. Letting your guard down is hard because of moments like these.

14. THE VICTOR: I am using the word victor and not the name. This song is about overcoming the things in your life that have been dragging you down and learning to be a better person after all is said and done. It's very difficult to think you even have a chance of winning against severe depression when you are down in the pit but when you finally get out and realize that it was possible and that things are now good again it is the most amazing feeling. It's like that scene in Rocky where he goes up the stairs and throws his hands up in the air in victory. That feeling is amazing and it is indeed achievable. And yeah, I guess it is referring to the name as well cuz that's my name and my name means winner. Bwahahahaha!!

15: THE LIMIT: This was the last song I made in my sad boi state of mind. I felt like I was at a breaking point and I couldn't take any more sadness. I don't know how the hell I crawled out of it but I sure as hell did. I wanted to make a song that felt uplifting and also like something that had a sound similar to what I like to make. A lot of the songs on this album are different than what I think I usually like doing but that's just how it goes. The song that follows this is a part 2 to this one and is the end result of a month of super sadness and super anger and super everything.

16. THE RESOLVE: This is it, the end! I don't have too much to say here other than: I am glad I made it out of the month alive. For a while there I didn't know what was going to happen or what I was going to do with myself. While I would not wish those feelings on my worse enemies, I am at least glad that I was able to get all of it out of me in only a month. I know some people spend years trying to resolve the problems they have and I am lucky to have done it quickly. I think my emotional swings were extreme because I went through them all within such a short time but I'd much rather have that all done at once than to have to sit through it for a year. Like I said, I'm back and better than ever and for once I am actually excited for the future.

I finished this album before my birthday and I was gonna release it then but I released the Dingle Quest Part 3 instead. This one had been sitting on my computer for weeks, completed and ready to go but I just haven't had time to put it all together. I've been very busy.

Thanks for reading my life story and listening to the jams. I hope the next one doesn't take me 9 months and I also hope the next one isn't created due to me being sad.